Fred JamesThis article was developed via a partnership with BetterHelp.
Guilt is a type of moral compass. It’s a feeling that combines sadness, remorse and regrets toward something we’ve done in the past. We usually experience guilt when we’ve acted in a way that doesn’t match up with our values and morals, or when we’ve caused harm to someone else. No two people feel guilt in the same way; our individual codes of ethics determine how we feel about things we’ve done in the past. Read on to learn about different types of guilt and how to overcome them.
Healthy Vs. Irrational Guilt
Two types of guilt exist healthy guilt that is appropriate to the situation, and irrational guilt that isn’t healthy. Click here for more articles about guilt.
Guilt that is appropriate, although healthy, is not pleasant to experience. When we feel guilty for a good reason, maybe for hurting someone’s feelings or doing something we knew was wrong, our conscience and cognitive abilities are working in tandem to help prevent future mistakes. The feeling of guilt offers an opportunity to learn from past mistakes and avoid repeating them in the future. In short, healthy guilt is a mechanism by which we regulate our social behaviour.
Sometimes, we feel guilt that is irrational and unhealthy. This type of guilt occurs when we exaggerate the pain or suffering we caused others, or when we take responsibility for something that we didn’t have control over or wasn’t our fault. Irrational guilt can be mentally damaging if not resolved. In fact, it has links to the following:
- Depression
- Anxiety
- Obsessive-compulsive disorder
- Feelings of constant dissatisfaction
- Low mood
- Increased stress
- Lack of sleep
- Decreased concentration and productivity
Irrational guilt negatively impacts nearly all parts of life.
10 Methods to Regain Control Over Guilt
Overcoming guilt can be challenging, but it’s absolutely possible. Read on to learn about ten strategies you can try today.
1. Acknowledge your guilt.
Often, when we’re feeling guilty, the last thing we want to do is acknowledge and admit it. In reality, though, that’s exactly what can help. Try opening up a journal and writing down the things you feel guilty about. Maybe you’ll write, “I feel guilty because I took my frustration out on my family,” or, “I feel guilty because I didn’t keep my promise.”
Let any emotions that come up arise without fighting them. Try getting in tune with those emotions and note what you feel. Once you know what you’re feeling and have identified the source, it’s easier to address those emotions.
2. Apologize.
If you’re experiencing healthy guilt, apologizing to anyone you’ve hurt can help you overcome the situation. However, you cannot expect to receive forgiveness; an apology doesn’t always fix everything. But by acknowledging your role in what happened, showing remorse, and asking for forgiveness without making excuses, you’ll be able to apologize effectively and know that you’ve made huge strides toward resolving the situation.
When you’re feeling irrational guilt, you may need to apologize to yourself for taking on the responsibility of what happened or being too hard on yourself.
3. Practice gratitude.
When you’re feeling guilty, try reminding yourself of the things you’re grateful for. Maybe this looks like writing in a gratitude journal, or perhaps you’d rather focus on thanking your loved ones for everything they do. Gratitude is a powerful emotion that can counteract guilt; practice it regularly for the best results.
4. Be proactive.
If you believe your feelings of guilt are healthy and justified, then consider what you can do to prevent the same mistakes in the future. What kind of behavioural changes can you make? How can you adjust your actions to align with your values and morals? Can you make amends with the people you’ve hurt in the past and show them that you’ve learned from your mistakes? Proactively taking action can keep you from doing something that will result in more guilt later on.
5. Utilize distractions.
Sometimes, distracting yourself from the guilt is the best way to overcome it, as long as you utilize healthy distractions. We recommend going outside, getting some exercise, listening to your favourite music, or reading a book.
6. Try meditation and mindfulness.
Meditation and mindfulness can help you not just with your guilt, but in many other aspects of your life. Mindfulness focuses on fully experiencing the present moment, training you to stop living in the past and worrying about the future. Meditation, in general, has many benefits and is a great way to step away from the stress of your day and clear your mind.
7. Avoid perfectionism.
Perfection doesn’t exist, so why continue to chase it? When faced with guilt, you may constantly search for the perfect solution. Unfortunately, this “perfect solution” isn’t realistic or possible. Instead, look for the best possible way to move forward, but don’t focus on trying to make it perfect. Try to maintain this perspective of making the best choices possible without expecting yourself to reach the unattainable goal of perfection.
8. Practice self-compassion.
Think about what you would say to a friend or loved one who felt guilty over a similar situation. Would you constantly berate them and make them feel even worse, or would you comfort them and tell them that a single mistake doesn’t change who they are as a person? Try to treat yourself like you would treat someone you care about. It may even help to write out the things you would tell them and read them aloud to yourself.
9. Speak with loved ones.
It can be hard to talk to others about what you’re experiencing, but you may be surprised by just how understanding they will be. Find time to talk to someone you trust, whether that’s your spouse or significant other, a friend, or a family member. They’re likely to support you and offer compassion and kindness, which can help you feel better and put things in perspective. They may also have gone through something similar, and by sharing their experiences, you’ll feel less alone.
10. Try therapy.
If guilt is negatively impacting your everyday life and you can’t seem to overcome it, it may be time to speak with a professional. Don’t be afraid to reach out for help; you deserve it, and things can get better!
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